Once Upon a Galaxy Far, Far Ago

I found Ian and Sage laughing helplessly at the kitchen table a few weeks ago. They had a composition notebook in front of them, and had undertaken to alternately contribute four words each to a saga. The story has a rocky start, as you can see them stuck in a four-word rut at cross-purposes with each other, but then it evolves in surprising ways. I can't help but think my kids are amazingly cool, spending their time on stuff like this epic collaboration. Enjoy.

"An army of Ianians planned an attack on the evil Sagacians. With their wimpy fruit weapons, the Sagacians couldn't fight! They upgraded to blasters! Their blasters all jammed. The Ianians were disorganized. However, they had nukes. The nukes destroyed them. They were reincarnated as very weak, stupid daisies. The Sagacians all died. Then, they lived again! The Ianians became dragons. The Sagacians became golems. They were water golems. They became stone golems. Both sides made peace.

But a new threat arrived from Minecraft: it was an army of zombie pigmen, which were planning to take over. They allied with evil creatures from Magic the Gathering. But the Ianians could resist fire, acid, and could work magic. The Sagacians could travel between dimensions. So together, they were an unstoppable force that eliminated each and every obstacle.

Suddenly, the seltzer water became stale, so according to a mystic porpoise, they must rise up in rebellion against the evil empire of fire-breathing chinchillas in flying armchairs. They must ally themselves with living beanbags, because the beanbags could spew armor and weapons. This would greatly improve their chances against the evil army of chinchillas. (Chinchillas can cancel magic.) 

Unfortunately, the chinchillas allied with rocks. This made the zombie pigmen and several ducks bound to them turn against the allied Sagacians and Ianians. They gained the ability to cancel magic too. The chinchillas cackled evilly. Then, a brilliant Ianian developed a new weapon! It destroyed the rocks! Now they could concentrate their efforts on the evil, cackling, maniacal chinchillas. With their armor and weapons supplied by the beanbags, the alliance defeated the chinchillas! Peace was established and they were heroes. The End."

[I split it into paragraphs and corrected one misspelling, but otherwise it's unedited. I only wish you could see the different handwritings in the original!]

Ian's Corner: Whoosh

OK, here's the secret: If you want to make me cry, show me a sentimental movie about fatherhood and within twenty seconds I'll have to turn away, claiming I just got something in my eye.  The sad part is that I'm not kidding at all--father trauma is my kryptonite.  Show me An American Tale, Finding Nemo or Fiddler on the Roof--if a father is torn from and/or reunited with his child, I am guaranteed to choke up.  Ian, of course, is to blame for all of this.
Has it been nine years?  Seriously?  No, really, nine years?  Almost a third of my life that I've been responsible for someone with such little feet?  The strangest part is that the past nine years are the part that feels like real life, and the preceding two decades are the part that feels like a dream.  In some ways, having Ian was when life began, or at least life as we now know it. 
The best part about Ian is that the older he gets the better I like him.  He was in many ways a difficult baby, and there was a period a few years back that gave us some worry about his future, but in the past couple of years he has only gotten more kind, more loving, more good-natured, more his best self.  Happy Birthday, young lad.  You make me so glad to be your father.

Ian's Corner: Update

Check out The Poem of Mossflower (October 19)--it's finished now.

Ian's Corner: Kindergarten Pictures

These are pictures of monsters I drew in kindergarten. I didn't make them in normal class; I made them in art class. For this first one, we read a book about monsters called Where the Wild Things Are and were informed to draw pictures of wild monsters.

I just want to talk about why I drew it the way I did: Well, in the book Where the Wild Things Are, there was a monster kind of like this but it lived in the water, not on land. I was trying to make it a little more different than the one in the book. I changed the color, the element it lives in, and its jaw--it is very bizarre because there was no mandible (the bottom jaw). I'm kind of upset with the color choice, though, because you can barely see it in the picture and its arm looks like it's covered with skin although it's just that color scales.

This picture: I first drew the outlines in pencil, and then traced the pencil with permanent marker. Then we colored it in, and it was supposed to be mixed up (out of two or more animals). I picked a crocodile for the body and tail, and a bat for the wings and head.
Unlike the other picture, this one has a mandible, just like a bat. I picked it because I like reptiles and I also like flying things. Because a bat is the only flying mammal, and a crocodile can't fly, I combined them and the picture looks magnificent. I was behind on the picture, though, for four weeks. That's because I was working on the scales for two entire classes (not to mention it was just in pencil) and then I had to copy it all over in permanent marker.

I still like to draw monsters in first grade, not to mention I still like to draw reptiles like chameleons. I mostly draw dragons, but once in a while I draw Bionicles or I start writing books. And that's all about my drawing experiences for now.

Ian's Corner: The Kardason Fortress

Here's a fortress made of legos. I call it the Kardason Fortress. It doesn't have very much armor, but it does have lots of protection instead.

It has orange healing systems next to the lasers, and a massive zamor cannon that can be launched to chop enemies with the yellow sword on top. If you look closely you can see a green knight in full armor defending the fortress.

In back the fortress has weapon storage, a place to man the zamor cannon, and storage for a wall-smashing ram.

As you can see in the bottom middle of the screen, the person in the brown cape is the magical emperor now working magic.

I feel good about making this fortress because it's the first fortress I have ever built. I built it out of four lego sets, and I like playing with it. And that's all about the Kardason Fortress