Meet the New Boss

Borrowing a page from our civic-minded friends, the Seals, we held an election-themed family home evening last week in which various members of the family campaigned and voted for important positions like Brownie-Giver-Outer, Official Tickler and Emperor of the Family. As the incumbent, I thought I had this last one in the bag, but ended up in a tight race with a promising young candidate several decades my junior. I argued, somewhat persuasively, that despite my distinguished opponent's many inspiring qualities, a vote for me was a vote for superior experience in enacting and enforcing the rules of the household. I emphasized my superior height, my comparative advantage when it came to hand size (making the spanking option a viable deterrent), my years of service to the family, and my history of working across the aisle with Mom in matters of familial importance. Ian displayed great skill as an orator (really, he did), making compelling promises without describing in great detail his qualifications for office.

Despite my best efforts, a late poll showed us neck and neck, with Ian galvanizing the hitherto apathetic youth vote and me maintaining a tenuous hold on voters ages 9 through 32. After a second round of speeches--really a rehash of points already raised--I lost the all-important soccer mom demographic and Ian rode a popular mandate to victory, becoming the family's newest Emperor-elect. Even in my defeat, I really can't see how an untested candidate with no executive experience was able to defeat a proven leader with little more than a glowing vision of change and hope. I'm no great lover of either major party, but maybe you see where I'm going with this.